I say...the strangest things sometimes.  .^^  And being the gigantor dork that I am, took it upon myself to start writing down some of my little bits of deranged philosophy.  Take these as life lessons.  .^_^

(and apparently I talk about 'Tennis no Oujisama' and 'Ragnarok Online' waaay too much.... .^^* )



"Pockets are the holes of the soul."

"You can't have a fic with Ryoma in it without him saying 'mada mada dane' ...just like you can't have Momo in a fic without him getting a hard on."

"It's nice going into the bathroom and getting the fresh scent of a nice potpourri spray...until the underlying fecal smell of just *why* the previous occupant felt the need to use the spray hits...."

"I'm having hot flashes. I think I'm going through mental-pause."

"How can I be anorexic if I keep eating!?"

"I only like boys who like other boys. .....Which might explain why I'm still single."

"Will not picture yummy yaoi things between my co-workers...Will not picture yummy yaoi things between my co-workers...Will not picture yummy yaoi things between my co-workers...."

"I'm not arrogant, I'm just proud."

"Oh my gods, I'm losing my mind and it's driving me crazy."

"Atobe can beam me any day."

"My nipples will never be the same again."

"My, um...boobs...glow...."

"Too slow... Too fast... Too cow..."

"It's disco night at the D.A.'s office."

"I can be a hoe!! .... No I can't. ::laughs::"

Co-worker: "You didn't have these files?"

Me: "I had most of them."

Co-worker: "Well you're supposed to have all of them." ::walks away::

Me: ::makes obscene hand gestures:: "Suck my dick."

"I need to have the words 'BIG FUCKING MORON' tattooed on my forehead."

"I love it when fanfiction randomly shows up in my in-basket. .... .O_O"

"There's never anyone around to hear my witty things!"

"My brain is tainted!!"

"They've got a good system worked out. ..................... For whatever the fuck it is they're doing."

"Oh! Oh! Tezuka! Oh!!! .... ::sigh:: And I'm done."

"Yes, I'm really a masochist deep down inside. ... Hell, it really isn't even that deep."  ::grin::

"Because, you know, sometimes I just don't feel like doing anything. In fact...most of the time I don't feel like doing anything."

Co-worker: "It makes it look like you never check your messages."

Me: "'Cause...I don't. .o,o"

"Ah, Akutsu-senpai... You rock...my panties...."

"Sorry, can't hear you, Shishido is singing to me."

"You have to love him, for he is ATOBE. ...... And you have to write stories about him getting it up the ass from Tezuka, for he is ATOBE."  >D

"This song eats my soul."

"This is my demon side, and this is my schoolboy side. ...... I'm very conflicted."

"Stupid people hurt my brain."

"He is man! With....chesticles!"

"I ignore the fact that they're dumb twits and they ignore that I'm evil incarnate. We have a good working relationship."  .^^

"It's so hard being so beautiful. ............ And it's so beautiful being so hard.."

"Now I'm off to learn how to relate with... ::shudder:: ...people. Bleh."

"You don't have a daughter! You'll never have a daughter! Because girls don't like your womb!"

"If Atobe wasn't so gay...would I love him as much?"  .^^*


Me: "Now that I'm done fucking around, maybe I'll get back to work."

Co-worker: "Is that what you're doing?"

Me: "Yeah. ::nods::grins::"

Co-worker: ".... I'm so proud of you!"

Me: "::sniffle:: Yeah..! ::wipes nonexistent tear::"

"We don't think of it as the lights are off so much as the dark is on."

"This office is crazy! ........... MOMO!!!!!  XD "

"Fine. Screw you all. Right up the ass. Without a condom, that's right."

"Never mind, I have just entered the realm of I don't fucking care."

"There's nothing like spamming your friends in the morning."

"Damn you, Kamio! For having such ass-kickingly awesome songs!"

"See! If you weren't such a retarded diva!!"

"Screw you, you heterosexual fucktard."

"That is called ye pile of things you'll get to whenever you get to them. .... I have one of those too; it's called my inbox." .^^

"We should be as God intended us to be; naked and running free!"

"This is why we shouldn't play video games at work. .......... No, this is why we should play video games at work." .^_^

"Life is really no fun unless I'm being a nuisance."

"If we could get Gay, Bloes, and Cox all in court on the same day, I'd be really amused."

"What am I supposed to say? 'I don't love you, but could you dote on me, tell me I'm the greatest thing in the world, fuck me like a dog, then take me out for breakfast'?"

"Are you trying to curse me!? You evil, wretched, maniacal, woman!" (omg, what a Wufei thing to say.. XD )

" ::twirls hair around finger:: Nfu.."   .^_~

"It would probably be a bad idea to call the District Attorney of Monterey County 'Mr. Flippy'."

"I may chase after dreams, I may chase after stars, I may even chase after little green balls, but I do not chase after people."

"Put it right there so it looks like his boobies!"  XD

"Oh my gods, Answer is a remix of Question!" =D  (wow...how philosophical....)

"Thinking is all that is wrong with the world. People should just stop thinking."

"I want to put up a little sign that says 'on break - go away or I will kill you' ....but I think that would be considered threats of violence."

"That's, like, my favorite Wufei line in the world...and it's not even really a Wufei line." XP  (referring to me screaming "where's the justice in that!?")

Co-worker: "What'cha eating?"

Me: ".....gum."

Co-worker: "I'm hungry."

Me: ".....I have gum."

Co-worker: "I'm in the mood for some junk food."

Me: ".....I have gum."

Co-worker: "Right around this time of day, I always get the urge for some junk food."

Me: "Like gum?"

Co-worker: ".....no."


"Because you're always talking shit. You don't talk anything but shit. You probably talk shit in your sleep."

"Tezuka must be some kind of uke bitch who gets it up the ass from everyone."

"That means someone's not paying attention! I HATE THAT!!"

"They can be romantic. It's not just about sex. It's just....mostly....about sex...." .^^

"I knew I've seen that name around here. But then...I've seen lots of Cox around here...."

"Don't worry - just because I'm using you doesn't mean I don't love you."


"You know it's Wednesday when nobody's really doing much of anything. ....Wait, that's supposed to be Friday.... Actually, it's pretty much every day here...."

"Don't disturb their love!!!"

"::sigh:: Atobe makes people wish they were born in October..."

"That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard. And Atobe is not a prince.....he's a princess. No! More than that! He is THE Diva!" XD

"They always walk by when I'm at my most crazy..."

"I need to keep on the down low wiz my peeps."

"I'll just wait until you're not here, then oogle myself to my heart's content."

"If those two could keep their hands off each other, this would be so much more difficult."

"It's pollinating!  ...... all over my phone... .o.o "

"Yeah, see, that's exactly what I said, except I was more bitchy about it."

"He'll go kicking and screaming, but he will go."

"I've got better things to think about than sweaty men patting each other on the ass.  ....  Oh, wait...no I don't."  (now, why don't I watch football again??)

"I'm expecting karma to come kick my ass."

"I got new sheets, but either bought the wrong size, or seriously don't know how to put them on."  (the sad thing is...it was that I didn't know how to put them on....  .^^* )

"The very thought makes my ass curl."

"Does 'no you filthy pig, I'm married' not mean anything to you!?!"

"I have better things to talk to myself about than you."

"That's the high-pitched 'Zephel just got kicked in the balls' version."

"We ran out of kisses, so David came by and gave us hugs....  We're a very loving office."  .^^  (re: Hershey's candy)

Co-worker: "What are you doing?"

Me: "Just striking fear in the hearts of my enemies."

"I will toss this puppy at you!  Like a weapon of mass destruction."

"Prepare to have your hormones thrown in a pan and stir fried."

Stupid chick at mall:  "Do you work here?"

Me:  "No."

Stupid chick at mall:  "Well do you have [some type of shoe]?"

Me:  "..... I don't work here.  .o_o "


Me:  "Make sure your son gets a good job, since he'll have to support me."

Co-worker:  "Right, he'll have to keep you to the standard you're used to....you'll starve together."

"Orlando Bloom in a pirate movie?  ....  Well he can pillage *my* booty any day!"

"I like his sweater. .............  Woah!  He has no pants on!"

"It's a grey kitten with blue eyes...  It's Randy and Zephel's love kitten!!"  XD

"Sources tell me Sunshine doesn't like whipped cream."

"Oh, that's a man.  .....  OH!  That's a naked man!  .o.o "

"Great...so now I have a penis-shaped earring..."

"I could kick your acolyte ass any day!  Fear my theifdom!!!"

"Taichi, put your little boner away."

"Gods, I hate this commercial.  It's one big lippy-smacky noise."

"No character of mine is going to be straight!"  >=O

"Wow, check out her arms.  .......  Wow, check out her ass!"

"Oh, Née, you sound like the evil person I know you are!"

"Yes!  I love rabid old women!"

"Yay public service announcements!!"

"My whole room is one big fire hazard...."

"I swear to gods, the next little childish bitch who starts shit with me is going to get it up the ass, HARD!"

"That's it, I'm Twist Servin' your ass."

"Oh my gods, this song makes me want his hot animated body!"

"Shinji's like 'I have to avenge Kamio's death......I mean loss....'."

"I'm the most organized unorganized person I know."

"Knock it off you spacey little twit!"

"It's not that you have faith in me... you're just lazy!!"

"It's all about the spork. .^_~ "

"Ooh! Ooh! I'm so good I turn myself on!"

"I'm exfoliating! ...... Not really. I don't really even know what that means.... .o.o "

"Actually I did have time today, so I can't bitch. Well...I mean I can, and I probably will.....but reeeeally.."

"Well of course, since he likes Hoebag- I mean! ......"

"Wow, so now I've been called a dick and an ass... I'm walking yaoi!"

"Because who the hell else just hangs out with Akutsu? Nobody! Nobody does that!!"

"I'm not even close to being awake enough to care about what the hell is going on...."

"I want to add 'stupid people' to my list of people who suck...but I think that's a given.."

"I'm gonna send my plushie army after you."

"Aww, you suxx0rz like a bitch!"

"'Hoi' is kind of like 'smurf'. It has no real translation, but it's used for everything."

"When I grow up, I want to be Yoshida."

"Now where was I? Oh yes, I was staring at the screen kind of like this .-_- zzzz.."

"I don't need this shit today. I will stab someone's brain with a spork, I swear to god."

"Oh look...it's the Super Cunt Duo....  .-_- "

"The desk even comes with it's own complimentary dead plant."

"I love Pam's laugh. You always know she's really amused, because nobody would make that noise on purpose." .^^

"Things that hurt my brain go in the garbage!"

"I fear your puny little wrath."

"Whee! I just had my brain cyber-hugged! .^^ "

"Yes, I was bitching because they were cheap....there's something very wrong with me."

"Is it wrong of me to demand people give me their souls when I do favors for them?"

"The monkey is like 'I must save your immortal souls' and Atobe is saying 'we're not really going to listen to him, are we? You know, with the whole don't be gay thing?'"

"She wants to suck out your soul...and then do dirty things to it."

Co-worker:  "What was yesterday? The 15th?"

Me:  "Yep, all day. Well, except for that one moment when it wasn't.."

"Well, I guess stress is ok in small doses.. But when it builds and builds and builds until you want to pour a bottle of Nair on someone's head...then not so much."

"Don't make me go Kirihara on you!"

"Stopgonnaspeaknow.."  .o.o  (I'd meant to say "gonna stop speaking now")

"It's Kimeru! And I got to see him perform this song live! And he was smexy! ..... In a skinny, girlie-boy kind of way.."  .^^

"This sucks like old cheese."

"You ruined my groove!"

"You know it's summer when you can hear the pitter-patter of new interns throughout the office."

Co-worker 1:  "Don't walk away, I'm talking to you!"

Me:  "Yeah but...most people walk away when you're talking to them."

Co-worker 2:  "That's what I try to do."

"His gay makes me happy."

"You're just jealous 'cause my phone is hot and sexy!"

"It's the little things that make me happy.  .^_^  The little, expensive things."

"I didn't make them gay, they did it themselves!"

"It's my speed demon of love!"

"Oooooooh myyyyyyyyyy GODSSomebody was on crack when they came up with that character. Good crack too!"

Co-worker:  "It makes. No. Sense."

Me:  "Very. Little. Does."

"Do not underestimate the power of yaoi fans in large groups."   .^_~

"This so calls for a 'teehee'!"

"Who am I gonna file it with?  The wall?"

"Ah, my poor dents!"  (during a dentist visit..  .^^ )

"It's pretty much like 'what Bunta says goes.'  He's kind of like the Buddha."

"How come everywhere I turn there's GAY!?!"

"You've obviously never tried to hit a fly with a baseball bat."

"You just keep your little waist and big boobs away from them!"

“He'ssuchalittlesnotIlovehimsomuch! X3 "

"He would make an awesome gay guy."

"I squeak, therefore I am...............a fangirl."

"Let's be shiny!!"

"My computer's being a dildo....only less fun."

"You know, for such a dork he's awfully cool."

"Eww...I don't even want to know what his fish-dick looks like."

"The problem with being an otaku in this day and age is that spell-check programs don't have most of the words we use because they don't really exist..." .^^*

"That's a good idea, me! You're a genius! I know, thanks."

"Let her throw a fit; I don't care. I get thrown fits at every day."

"Oooh...I've been beamed. ...and I liked it.   .^_~  "

"Stop beaming me!"

"There is something very wrong when you start thinking of the files as your children...."

"There's nothing like waking up in the morning to the sound and sight of your dog heaving up bile...   .-_-  "

"I just can't take so much GAY in the morning!"

Me:  "Three cheers for the pretty, homicidal blond!"

Me & Co-worker:  "::throwing arms in the air:: Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!"

"Gakuto's a slut! .... Well....when I cosplay as him...." .^^*

"I need something good to say in German."

"You got gay! ..... I mean 'game'... ............ No, no...I meant 'gay'."

Me:  "Why does the world hate me?"

Co-worker:  "Because you hate the world."

Me:  "Oh yeah..."

"Manipulation is sexy."

Co-worker:  "The winner of the raffle gets an authentic African dinner!"

Me:  "So...what, like bugs an' stuff..?"

"Because I need a way to let people know that if they come near me I'm going to rip their fucking eyeballs out and eat them!!!"

"Look! I've got my 'fuck you' playlist on! That means leave me the hell alone!"

Co-worker:  "Now what you're gonna do is you're gonna keep pumpin' them out-"

Me:  "Like babies."

"I have....Triscuit...in my lungs! ::cough:: "

"Oh my gods, I just realized this song is in English......"

"You can just screw yourselves up the ass if you think I'm going to do that."  (but it was said so pleasantly! .^^* )

"I need a way to get rid of these dark circles under my eyes.. ..... I suppose I should actually sleep for starters...."

"I came up with a new term for 'nymphomaniac'. ..... 'Fuckaholic'."

Me:  "Since when did I become the doorman for the bathroom?"

Co-worker:  "But it's cool, you know whether someone's in there or not."

Me:  "Yeah, it kind of makes me feel like I have power."

Co-worker:  "You do!"

"These are going in a different pile, because they're pissing me off! And Tezuka! Stop being so sexy!! I can't take it anymore!!"

Co-worker:  "I'm doing my duty."

Me:  "Ewww! Don't do it here!"

"I love a chick with fish breath."

"At least you didn't get ass-raped before you were killed...  .^^* "

"My toor poe." (....I'd meant "poor toe" ... .^^* )

"If you think I'm going to apologize for telling you to go fuck yourself, then you can go fuck yourself."

"You have to stop anyway, so get your panties out of your crack and calm down."

"I feel like an adult.  Ew!  Ew!!  Make it stop!!!"

"I expect to get a postcard someday saying 'Having a great time!  Wish you were here!  Signed, your brain'."

"I mean....where do you put a two-foot penis?"

"I wanna be an old guy so I can do stuff like that!"

"Your nipples are like teacups!"  XD

"I just like adding 'bitch' to the end of any sentence."

"I can swear I just heard someone say 'dyslexic blow job'."  .o_O

"It'd be like work...without the work."

"My juice is not sticky!"

"So beeeefy, my puppy."

"I can't wait to get ho da gi geh...speak English...." (why does my tongue get tied so much..? .^^* )

"I wanna have big green hair!"

"I put more work into mine than anyone else and I didn't even get to wear it because they're all a bunch of ass crickets."

"Gingerbread Kamio is the yum!"

"I am in awe of your hangman prowess."

"There is nothing so great as eight hot Japanese guys dancing with their hands on each other's hips.."

"So there's your daily dose of Michael Jackson."

Co-worker:  "Just nuke the damn country."

Me:  "Yeah!"

Co-worker:  "And here they said you wouldn't make a good republican."

Me:  "Shut up! ... I'm just destructive and violent."

"I want everybody to know, I had a wonderful lunch. .... Minus the...uh...flying body parts."

"Bum bum BUUUUUM!! The plot thickens! Like an engorged...penis."

"You still have plenty of groove to get on."

Co-worker:  "What should I do, David?"

Me (butting in.. .^^* ):  "I have a few suggestions. ....Most of them involve jumping off of things."

"I'm bitter! Like coffee!"

"Take, like, an entire bottle of aspirin. You'll never feel pain again."

"Just face it, Momo. You're a dork, and Kaidou is cool."

Me:  "My lines just don't sound as good when I'm all nasally."

Co-worker:  "Nobody can take you seriously when you sound like that."

Me:  "I'm just gonna stop talking."

Co-worker:  "That's probably a good idea."

Me:  "..... And there was much rejoicing throughout the office. .-_- "

"Wow...listening to 'October' in November is depressing...."

Co-worker:  "Hey, it comes with the territory."

Me:  "So does getting bitch-slapped!!!!!"

"Well that's just fine."  ::walks away::  "No it's not."

"Never mind. You know nothing about Rip Van Winkle. Screw you."

Co-worker:  "I don't like change."

Me:  "Unless it's the pocket variety." .^_^

"You know, I need more blatant gay on my journal. I'm no longer satisfied with this subtle gay."

"I speak only the truth. That's right...I'm perfect."

"I hope that damn SKOS falls off a cliff. A high cliff. ..... With pointed rocks underneath!!!!"  >=O

"My life is an open book....that you never read."

Yaoi-chan:  "All natural.."

Me:  "As opposed to..?"

Yaoi-chan:  "Like, there's not drugs in it."

Me:  "Well that's no fun."

"Your toast is special."

"I was still helpful! Against my will!"

"I don't know what kind of porn your boyfriend likes!"

"Yeah, in fact my dad originally wanted to name me cool-and-special-shine, but my mom didn't think it sounded right so they changed it."

"Nothing ever goes down on us. That's why we're so frustrated."

"You're violent and mean!! ...... You must be a Republican!! =O "

"I really just do not feel like doing anything today. .... Besides sticking my head in a cheese grater.."

"I don't care if you don't like it. I don't care if you're bored. You are going to stay up there and entertain me. Now dance for me, little boy!!"

Me:  "This area...belongs to me!"

Co-workers:  ::ignore::

Me:  "You guys...are mine!"

Co-worker:  "What?" ... ::goes back to ignoring::

Me:  "........" ::shakes fist:: "Don't ignore me when I'm exerting my power over you!"

"When I grow up I want to be a snotty bitch."

"I make myself squee!"

"There's nothing like a lazy serial killer.."

Me:  "Oops, I dropped my elephant."

Roommate:  "Well that's something you don't hear every day in a dining room."  .^^

"Because he is thorough! ...like a rectal exam!"

"That guy looks like a lesbian.."

"Hey, I can smell necrophilia a mile away!"

"Hey, you have to let the little things amuse you."

"I am on the ball today! .... ::trips over phone cord:: .... Or maybe not..."

"We've bonded, the coffee and I."

To the tune of 'Don't Cry for me Argentina':  "Don't cry to me 'bout subpoena~! The truth is, I really don't care!"

"I'm not special enough to get voicemail. Which....actually doesn't bother me, since I never checked it when I had it anyway..."

"Not only are they boys kissing, they're only 14! That's right! They're underage boys kissing!!"

"You big flaming go-go retard...."

"I would like to collaborate with myself.."

"Why can't we get an automated system and be as unhelpful as every other office in this county? That would make me happy. ...... Oh wait...I think I just answered my question..."

"I love Terry! He's my hero! I wanna make a big sign that says 'I LOVE TERRY! HE'S MY HERO!'"

"I just can't wait to get home so I can have a bowl of this cereal!! ..... What has my life come to when all I have to look forward to is cereal...? .-_- "

"Just go on in to his office. I'm sure he'll have his pants on. .... Andy might not though.  .^_~ "

"I'm passive-aggressively rebelling against those who treat us like we're their personal door button-bitches."

"Because I have the all-powerful ability to transfer you to someone else!! Wahahaha!"

"Sparkly like a drag queen!"

"Owned with a capital 'P'!!"   XD

"He is Sengoku of the Broccoli!!"

"I'm kind of like a leprecon, without the magic...or the gold....  ....So actually I'm nothing like a leprecon."

Co-worker:  "If you can't beat 'em, join 'em."

Me:  "Yeah, but you can't join them if they don't accept you..."

"Go ahead, choke me. But make sure I die. Then my life will be complete. ...... Literally."

"Ahahahahaa....   .......   I laugh because I'm angry."

Co-worker:  "Ooh, that's good and healthy."

Me:  ".O_O I'd better not eat it then.."

"HA HA HA! Crumble before my excessive cute!"

"He is pretty, pretty, PRETTY! .... Notice I didn't say handsome...but PRETTY!"

"At least I'm consistently inconsistent."

“Hmm…I want a milkshake.  ….  I’ll just have to take my shirt off then.”  (!! Two completely different thoughts that came out one right after the other.. .^^; )

"It's not how many you kill, it's how you kill them."

"Now watch while he throws us all out the window."

"They say keep your friends close and your enemies closer...and your coffee closest of all."

Me:  "I amuse me."

Roommate:  "What?  You're used meat?"

Me:  "NO!"

"This ain't sayonara yet, bitch!"

"See...it pays to sleep with the best friend of the defense attorney."

"I know you do, you sadistic bastards!  Leave my credit card alone!"

"I want to see him blatantly naked."

Me: "'Cause all your Ato are belong to me."

Mew: "No way~  I saw Atobe first."

Me: "So?"

Mew: "Ergo, MINE!"

Me: "But see, I'm channeling Tezuka.  ERGO, MINE!"

"I am my own OTP."  (OTP = "One True Pairing")

"I'm like a big cat.  A giant....fat, ugly cat that no one would ever adopt for the life of them, but a cat nonetheless."

"The plant has rejected Jesus!"

Math teacher: "What I'm writing on the board here must be on your test."

Me: "You mean those squiggly lines?"

Teacher: "Those are numbers..."

Me:  =x

"It's like six degrees of Atobe.."

"Because you should always have a little samba at work."

Me: "I'd give my left arm to be that water bottle."

Yaoi-chan: "Yeah, well I want to be his shirt..."



"You're a silly, stinky puppy.  .....  And other things that start with 'S'."

"You're sexy like a gulper eel.  .-_- "

Random guy who I once met and gave a fake name to: "Hey, Miki!"

Yaoi-chan: "Miki??"

Me: "Urusei!  Aitsu ni...sore ga...ore no namae."

Yaoi-chan: ".... YOUR JAPANESE SUCKS!"

Me: "SHUT UP!"

"I like this picture of him a lot!  He looks so...coy.. .^_~  ....  And I don't mean like the fish."  ( "coy"  vs.  "koi" )

"See, that's why passive-aggressive is so much better than just aggressive.  At least I don't look like a freak.  ....  I just look like a psycho."  =x

Weather guy on news: "Sunshine's going to be around all day."

Me: " ::nod nod::  I really am."


"I think one of them is a lesbian.  ...  And I think it's the father.  XD  "

"Yay for ga~y!"


Chick on 'The Apprentice':  "America loves sports."

Me:  "No we don't.  ::kicks soccer ball under chair:: "

"The eyes are implied."

Guy on TV: "I look at porn...every day! ::cries:: "
Oprah voice-over: "Could this be *your* husband?"
Me: "Are you kidding...that's ME!  =D "

"The answer to all of evolution is disembodied cow head."

"You're just using me for my bipedal-ism and opposable thumbs."

"I can finally get rid of this penis.  ....   I just hope it'll fit in my bag."

"Cafe Mochas are like friends with benefits."

Yaoi-chan: "Konomi needs to make one of the Tenipuri characters cannonly gay."

Me: "Wait...have you not seen Atobe!?  Have you taken a good long look at Mizuki!?  Yeah, it's fun when they come right out and say it, but sometimes it's really not necessary!"  .^^*

"Screw you, TezuFu!"

"It takes a real man to beat the crap out of an egg with a lute."

"Wow, his mouth got really big.  It would be great for sticking a...burrito in."   >D

"Sounds like you're talking about 'E Kimochi'?  Is a very cute song.  And by cute I mean Atobe's a homo."

"That's right.  Mage, bitches!"

"My internets are being retarded!  D=  "

"Now to stab myself in the brain with coffee."

"Hey, I'm allowed to hit on my wife if I want!"  .^o^

"I want to be smacked in the mouth with a chocolate cake."

"Despite what all the songs say, time actually goes by pretty quickly."

"It just took a turn for the dirty."

"HAPPY ST. PATRICK'S DAY!  =D  My Irish ancestors are happy....and drunk.  X3 "

"My family and I celebrated St. Patrick's Day by going out for Chinese food.  .^^   My Irish ancestors...are confused.  And still drunk."

"Because...a life without Peeps is just...so much sad!  .;_; "

"Where's his hole??  ........................................  Er... bad question.  .^^;; "

"I am perfectly entitled to change my style of grammar at any time."

"Sometimes I wonder if I scare my dog."

"Has anyone ever told you... I'm insane?"

"My nerd's a bigger nerd than your nerd."

"Well he's already a racist, he may as well be a pedo too."

"I'd like to make a gay porn, but I don't have the equipment.   ..............   I mean like cameras and stuff."

"No, it just means he'll stab you in the other eye, retard."

"I want to roll my eyes so hard they pop out of my head."

"Because strangely enough I do find Pokemon more interesting than deadbeat dads."